Deathtrap: Montage           
                by: Ninn and Jit                     Jit and I will be writing more about the main dude, ya know,
A typical day at Montage                         the one that is getting killed and getting in trouble. If you
                                                              don't know, read it and you will.
1. The Car ride up
2. Falling down the stairs going down
3. The ticket taker
4. Filling out the papers for the rental area
5. Getting the boots
6. Putting on the boots
7. Getting the skis
8. Getting the poles
9. Making sure they are the same height
10. Walking to the snow
11. Putting on the skis
12. Skiing to a lift
13. The line for the lift
14. Getting on the lift
15. Falling off the lift
16. Getting back on the lift
17. Getting off at the top
18. Getting to the top of the slope
19. Putting the skis back on
20. Going down the slope
21. Coping with unevenly waxed skis
22. Snowboarders
23. Dodging skiers while you are on the ground
24. Getting up
25. Making it down ungroomed snow
26. Trying to move on flat land
27. Heading toward long haul
28. Getting on a new lift
29. Falling on a snowboarder from the lift
30. Walking up rest of slope
31. Dodging people getting off lift
32. Putting skis back halfway down while facing down
the slope
33. Missing turn, hitting tree
34. Trying to dodge unconscious snowboarder
35. Not successful
36. Trying to find cell phone to call for casket for
snowboarder
36a. Cannot find cell phone
36b. Bury in snow
36c. Leave crime scene
37. Head for iron horse
38. Passing out from exhaustion along the way
39. Waking up in ditch with ski indent in head
40. Getting on iron horse
41. Hanging upside down from lift by ski pant strap
42. Ram headfirst into snow upon arrival at top
43. Head for spur
44. Paralyzed with fear at top
45. Pushed by postal worker for not tipping him at Christmas
46. Hit ice chunk
47. See life flash before eyes
48. Tree
49. Waking up in forest covered in TP with another ski indent in head
50. Walking down dazed and confused
50a. Trying to remember who you are and why you're here
51. Memory comes flashing back
52. Pegged in head by spit
52a. Loose memory again
53. Hit by snowmobile at bottom of slope
54. Wake up dangling from cliff, held by orange netting
54a. Netting breaks
55. Wake up in ski patrol headquarters
56. Fascinated by shiny ski patrol objects
57. Leave ski patrol, with shiny objects
58. Head for lodge
59. Walk into lodge, literally (ouch!)
60. Sit on bench
60a. Thrown off bench by guy who you sat on
60b. Kicked in *Beep* by guy who threw you, and guy you landed on
61. Thrown out of lodge, literally (pavement is hard and cold!)
62. Realize something is missing
62a. Feel a draft
62b. Look down and find pants are gone (that's why the ground was so cold!)
62c. Quickly run into lodge and find pants hanging from light fixture
62d. Jump on table, try to reach them by jumping
62e. Short man gives you back your pants
63. Head for cannonball
64. Chicken out of that slope and head for one next to it
65. Lassoed by magic fairies and dragged down against your will
66. Face slide down three headwalls
67. Strike tree
68. Pass out (again!?!)
69. Wake up with ski track on different part of body
70. Crawl to lift
71. Hit in head by lift while trying to hoist yourself on
71a. Knocked unconscious
72. No one notices
73. Wake up attached to lift, going in circles
74. Grab tree at top, unattach yourself from lift
75. Problem: how to get down from tree wearing skis
76. Stroke of brilliance, let go of branch
77. Land on feet, ski backwards down slope
77b. Oh *beep*
77c. It's white lightning
78. Hit mogul the size of Buick
79. Make amazing jump
80. Do somersault
81. Land on yet another snowboarder (hear sickening crunching snapping
noises)
82. Good thing he broke your fall
83. Bury in snow
84. Leave crime scene (deja vu, man)
85. Make it down slope alive
86. Do victory dance at bottom
87. Hit by ghosts of departed snowboarders
88. Collapse
89. Wake up yet again in ski patrol
90. Mad because there are no shiny objects
91. Leave ski patrol
92. Head for mainline
93. Notice big crowd looking up slope
93a. Notice lift is stopped
94. See people coming down slope with torches
95. Fascinated with fire
96. Magically floating toward fire
97. Hit by person carrying torch
97a. Hair set on fire
98. Ski *really* fast down rest of slope
98a. People think it is part of show
98b. People clap and cheer
99. Run into lodge, with skis still on, heading for bathroom
99a. Dunk head in toilet
100. Buy a wig from the guy in the corner who is wearing a dress and
twitching
101. Find skis
102. Forced to take a lesson
103. Take a beginner lesson
104. Notice you are the tallest person there
104a. Are asked to lead lesson up bunny slope
105. Sidestep up the bunny slope
106. Create domino effect from top of line
107. End up at end of line
108. Ski down after sidestepping up
108a. Hit instructor
108b. Bury in snow
109. Threaten witnesses that you will do the same to them if they speak
110. Run for mainline
110a. Chased by ski patrol (not followed)
111. Get on lift
112. Ski patrol dude sits with you
113. Jump (yes jump no, not fall) off
114. Land on large mound of snow
115. Find food coloring
116. Start digging
117. Ski patrol dude about to jump after you
118. Place baggie of red food coloring in mound, cover in snow
118a. Hide behind tree
119. Watch fun as ski patrol dude lands on red food coloring
120. Watch as digging starts
121. Note the shocked looks as they find a snowboarder with a ski through his
head
121a. And a cell phone on the ski
122. Run and grab cell phone when they aren't looking
122a. Phone home
122b. While skiing down slope
123. Run into ski return
124. Throw skis on counter
125. Kick boots off as running
126. Grab your bag
127. Run out of lodge at the speed of light
128. Drag yourself up the stairs
129. When you reach the top you are blocked by the FBI who somehow found
out and want to question you about the deaths of two snowboarders, a ski
instructor, and seven scared little children
130. Are handcuffed to the railing
131. Even though you cooperate you are beat with a night stick
132. Wake up in a cell with a the guy who sold you the wig (his name is Betty)
133. Really have to go but don't want to
134. Driven by an uncontrollable urge to pee, you start screaming "Let me out, I
gotta pee!!"
135. The guard says he'll let you if you'll spell image lightbulb
135a. You agree (it's a small price to pay for getting out of prison)
136. You run into a dark alley to relieve yourself behind a dumpster, accidentally
on a bum (well, maybe not an accident)
137. Leave alley to try to figure out where you are
138. You find "friend" waiting in the "car" with your goodies
139. You get in, give him the money for the goodies, and while the car is going
ninety miles per hour down the highway the door flies open and you are sucked
out.
140. You fall off the bridge and land in the lawn chair in your front yard
140a. When you wake up you get a wonderful view of the sunrise and of
ambulances rushing to your rescue after nine hours

I hope you enjoyed your day at montage.
Yes, we have done some of the things listed above. You would understand if you have ever
skied at montage, where the equipment is 20 years old and you can barely get to the lift
with you skis staying on. You can forget about going over any moguls with rental
skis!!