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1. You get in line an hour before the show.
1a. and you are only 7 people from the front.
2. The people who came later attack you for your spot in line.
3. 55 minutes left.
4. You get attacked.
5. 43 minutes left.
6. You are trampled as the soda guy comes out.
7. 27 minutes left.
8. They usher you into the theater.
9. The man at the door sees your ticket and attacks you
9a. Then lets you in
10. You get the perfect seat in the middle of the theater.
10a. And are pushed out of it by a scary man
11. You don't want to die so you move over.
12. 8 minutes left
13. The kid in the seat behind you insists on hitting you repeadtly
in the back of
your head.
14. You turn around and slap him.
14a. And his mother punches you in the face.
15. 5...4...3...2...1...
16. Applause erupts as the music booms
16a. and one of the speakers falls on you.
17. You wake up 15 minutes later and crawl into your seat
17a. Onto the person that had taken your seat when you were unconscious.
18. The man drop-kicks you into the isle.
19. You sit there and realize you have a great view.
20. You think that maybe you won't end up nearly dead this time
21. During the 1st saber battle two people bring out toy lightsabers
and begin
fighting in the isle you are sitting in.
22. They don't notice you.
23. For some reason they ditch the cheap plastic blades.
23a. And real blades extend from the handles.
24. You cower down by the chairs
24a. But end up loosing a foot.
24b. and then the other foot.
25. Sometime while you were unconscious (again) they left.
26. You have no idea what is going on in the movie and drag yourself
nearer the
screen.
27. The person you crawled in front of decides to use you as a foot
rest.
27a. At least they have feet.
28. The person starts to kick you
29. You roll away from the person and lie there trying to understand
the movie.
30. The audience suddenly decides that they don't like Jar Jar and
begin
throwing sharp objects at the screen
30a. And they all hit you.
31. You drag yourself to your knees and despite you pain manage to
scream
"Quit throwing things! I'm trying to watch the movie!"
31a. and get more things thrown at you.
32. You lay back down on the floor and begin to remove the objects.
32a. And use your socks to stop the blood flow.
32b. And gag the theater in the process.
33. You can't smell so you have a few minutes to watch the movie.
33a. You still have no idea what is going on.
34. Why is the usher coming towards you?
35. You see an empty seat in the corner and crawl towards it.
36. The usher follows you.
37. You spit out some excuse about why you were laying on the floor.
37a. He beats you with his flashlight and leaves.
38. You wake up and it seems the movie is in its final action sequence.
39. You pray that the lightsaber kids don't come back.
40. Looking up you relize you are under another speaker.
40a. And begin to pray that it dosen't fall on you.
41. Two people run up in front of the screen and start acting out the
movie.
42. The audience seems to like it.
43. They take out what you hope are toy blasters.
43a. You were wrong.
44. Laser beams hit you.
44a. You manage to stay in your seat this time.
45. They bring out the lightsabers again.
45a. You begin to cry.
46. The person next to you brings one out and hands it to you.
46a. Where do these people get these things?
47. You push the button and a blade springs from the handle.
48. Walking as best you can on two stumps for feet you make your way
up to
them.
49. Seemingly you are folling the action on the screen.
50. Person 2 swings and you loose two inches of leg.
51. Person 1 swings and you manage to strike a glancing blow.
52. The audience seems to think it was planned.
53. Suddenly you three turn your weapons off.
54. Looking up at the screen you see a celebration.
55. You still don't know what happened during the movie.
56. The credits roll and the manager comes in to get you.
56a. But he leaves the other two people alone.
57. You sit in his ofice and wait - looking for shiny objects.
58. You pocket the shiny objects.
59. He comes in and starts yelling at you.
60. You don't listen.
61. You don't care.
62. You still have the lightsaber.
63. The manager comes at you with a stapler - a shiny one.
64. You slash at him with the saber.
65. He leaves the room, dropping the staper.
65a. You pocket the stapler
66. You go to leave and find the door is locked from the outside
67. You cut the door open
68. You like your new tool.
69. As you are running out the theater emloyees chase you.
70. You run for the mall.
71. Down into the parking garage.
72. And head for another theater.
73. Maybe you can actually see the movie this time.
Obviously this is not true. While I was in line next to a scary guy,
he sat
in the row behind me and annoyed the theater with his cell phone. I
was pushed
out of the best seat, but it was by 3 obsessed fans.