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1. Standing at your mailbox, you hear tires
squeal
1a. You run for your life as Sassy pulls
into your driveway going 75mph.
1b. After knocking you inconcious with
your own shoes you are thrown into the
car with your snow gear.
1c. Regain concouness and press face to
window yelling "Help, help!"
1d. Mommy Muerto nods and waves goodbye
1e. You wave bye-bye.
2. Sassy steps on the gas and you smack
your head off the window.
2a. loose conciousness.
3. Regain conciousness as Sassy slaps
skiis on your feet.
3a. You stand up and realize the rental
area is located at the top of the bunny hill.
3b. Looking at the bunny hill you thank
Sassy for dragging you here instead of Montage.
3c. The bunny hill appears to be a fairly
level surface.
3d. Hopes of staying on your feet fill
your head and you grin.
4. Sassy drags you to the beginner run
called Deer Run.
4a. You make it down the first two headwalls
without falling but you forget
to turn.
4b. Head into woods.
4c. Miss all the trees but hit the lake.
4d. Swim to shore.
5. Drag yourself up to the lift.
5a. You find a map buried in the snow
5b. Looking at the map you find yourself
on a slope called the Panther.
5c. The Panther is located in the middle
of nowhere.
6. Get on ski lift.
6a. Sit down only to find 2 of the 3 boards
missing from the seats.
6b. The third board is making snapping
noises.
7. Board breaks and you fall to the slope.
7a. You lay on the slope staring at the
sky.
7b. Hit by ski patrols snown mobile as they rush down the slope.
7c. Strap on ski pole that is attached to snow mobile.
7d. Pulled down slope.
7e. Launcjed over trees as snowmobile comes to a stop.
8. Land on ski lift.
8a. Say "hello" to Sassy.
9. Trip getting off ski lift; Sassy skiis over you.
10. She drags you to the wildcat, a blackdiamond slope.
10a. Drop to your knees, beging Sassy to choose an easer slope.
11. Sassy pulls you to your fet and pushes you down the slope.
11a. Point skiis straigh and close eyes.
11b. Open eyes and realize you made it down n your feet.
11c. Put hands in air and scream "I made it!"
11d. Forget to stp, hit pine tree.
12. Waks uo in lodge covered in sap.
12a. Magically float toward fireplace in middle of lodge.
12b. Hit head off metal vent above it.
12c. Fal and smash head off of warm racks surrounding it.
13. 20 minutes later.
14. Crawl into men's room and hide in stall with feet up.
15. 5 minutes after that.
16. Sassy finds you.
17. Dragged back to deer run.
17a. Follow Sasy down hill.
17b. Remembered to turn this time.
17c. Hit mogule and face slide across slope intersection and slide
to a stop in the middle of slope.
17d. Come to a stop at Sassy's feet.
17e. She helps you up.
17f. Uh-Oh, Warning signals go off in your brain, Sassy was nice to
you.
17g. Sassy puts a helmet on you head and gives you a push.
17h. The helmet is backwards so you can't see.
17i. You fel impact (ouch)
17j. Pretty birds.
18. Wake up in someone's livingroom, laying in what's left of their
bay window.
19. Sassy runs in, rolls you over, and takes your wallet.
19a. She pays them for the damage you caused.
20. Carefully you try to pul a large piece of window from your arm.
20a. Sassy grabs your arm (violently tearing the glass from your body)
and drags you out the empty
window frame.
21. Sassy says "Look at the puppy."
21a. The "puppy" is a 300 lb. rotweilier.
21b. The puppy's hungry.
21c. He's looking at you the way freddie look at a buffet.
22. Quickly put the skiis back on and push yourself down the slope,
trailing blood which is driving puppy
into a frenzy.
23. You reach the bottom of the slope.
23a. Ski through lft line and reach lift just in time.
23b. The dog follows you and laches onto your leg as you sit down.
24. You can see that Sassy is besibe herself with laughter as the lift
passes over her.
24a. Time to get even.
24b. You kick at the dog and it let go.
24c. The dog lands next to Sassy nd chases her.
24d. Ha, ha, revenge is sweet.
25. Get off lift.
25a. Hit by snowboarder.
25b. Bounce into lodge.
26. 4 hours later.
27. Wake up in first aid station.
28. Se shiny objects.
28a. Reach foward to take them.
28b. Can't move.
29. Find yourself in a full body cast.
30. Thrash around, tryng to break free.
30a. Fall onto floor.
31. Roll on back.
32. Sassy is standing over you.
32a. Sasy's angry.
33. She kicks you, splitting the cast in two.
34. You yell "Help me!" as she drag you outside wothout your clothes.
35. Snow is cold.
36. People stare at you (and take pictures) because your skis are on
backwards, you're only
wearing your Teletubbies underwear, and are being dragged across the
mountian by a pscyopath.
37. Once gain, Sassy pulls out the leash.
37a. She tightenes the collar so much you can't breathe.
38. Choking, you are dragged to Elk Trail, and intermediate slope.
39. You sit on the back of you skis as Sassy tugs the leash.
40. You go over headwall and blckness egulfs you.
40a. Nighty night, Jimmy.
41. Sassy reaches bottom of slope, dragging your lifeless body behind
her.
42. Seeing you're unconcious, she hides you in a bush and leaves.
43. Wake up and find ot you've just been given CPR by Betty, the twitching
man in a dress.
43a. Betty has a new wig.
44. Pass out.
45. 30 minutes later.
46. Wake up in first aid station (again)
47. Take shiny objects this time.
48. Walk out door.
49. Turn around to go back for your clothes, (find out door has been
closed behind you) walk into door.
50. Beat on the door but no one opens it.
51. Snowboarder swipes your Tinky Winky boxers.
52. Door opens, you run inside.
52a. You cver yourself woth a sheet (toga, toga)
52b. Clothes are nowhere to be seen.
53. Snowboader wh ran over you cames in on a stretcher.
53a. you take his clothes when he isn't loking.
53b. he, he, he
54. Enter lodge skipping.
54a. Sit and watch fire.
55. You hear Sassy coming.
55a. Time to hide.
56. You ide in the ladie's roombecause Sasy won't exoect ti find you
there.
56a. She found you.
57. She drags you outside.
57a. You escape while she is unlocking her skis.
58. Borrow Bettys wig and dress.
58a. Hide at table in far corner.
59. She doesn't find you.
59a. Return wig and dress to Betty.
60. Go of skiing by yourself.
60a. Big mistake.
61. Stop at slope intersection.
61a. Gang of angry snowboarder is coming toward you.
61b. They grab you and take you into the forest.
62. They tie you upside down to a tree.
63. They take turns beating you with various objects.
64. They found the 300lb. rotweilier.
64a. He's still hungry.
65. They found Sasy and she's pissed.
65a. You pray for a miricle.
66. You wake up in the first aid station for the third time.
66a. No shiny objects, dang.
67. Sasy left you to find your own way home.
67a. And she took your wallet.
68. You start to walk home.
69. It starts to get dark as you near the bottom of the mountian.
70. You wander around five hours (it's probably around 11:00)
71. You realize you're lost and give up.
71a. Sit under a tree along side the road.
72. Something in the bushes moves, scaring you.
73. You run out of reflex.
74. A car comes around a curve iin the road and hits you, throwing
you into the bush that growled at you.
75. Quicly you run from the bush.
76. Sassy gets out and offers you a ride.
77. Lying in bed, you realize this is the first time you've made it
home in on piece.
78. You spoke too soon, a tractor trailer looses control on a patch
of ice and crashes through you bed room.
79. Stay concious long enough to see the ambulance loose control on
that same patch of ice and
come barreling toward you.
79a. Sleep well, Jimmy